1 00:00:37,533 --> 00:00:39,367 I brought you some coffee Ms. Courtney. 2 00:00:39,467 --> 00:00:41,333 I shan't be wanting it this morning, thank you, Gladyx. 3 00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:43,433 I have to be at the court in half an hour. 4 00:00:43,533 --> 00:00:44,800 Tennis court? 5 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,200 Magistrates. 6 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,600 Oh, my goodness. 7 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:49,500 What have you done? 8 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,200 I haven't done anything. 9 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,367 I am on the bench. 10 00:00:52,467 --> 00:00:54,067 I am a JP. 11 00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:55,767 Oh, very nice. 12 00:00:55,867 --> 00:00:56,933 Any juicy bits? 13 00:00:57,033 --> 00:00:58,300 I beg your pardon? 14 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,933 Well, you know like you read in the Sunday papers. 15 00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:03,833 Husband finds wife in bed with lover. 16 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,367 No, Gladys. 17 00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:07,000 Just the usual amount of football 18 00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,633 hooligans and drunk and disorderly. 19 00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:10,600 That sort of thing. 20 00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:11,533 Enter! 21 00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:14,467 Thank you, Gladys. 22 00:01:14,567 --> 00:01:16,133 I brought the stockroom keys back. 23 00:01:16,233 --> 00:01:17,233 Well, you better hang onto them, 24 00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:18,900 Sydney, today. 25 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,500 She's in court. 26 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,667 Court what? 27 00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:23,600 Court! 28 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:25,033 Magistrate's court! 29 00:01:25,133 --> 00:01:26,567 God, have you been nicked? 30 00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:27,700 Nicked? 31 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,233 I've got a friend of mine that'll defend you, 32 00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:30,733 and if he can't get you off he'll 33 00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:32,900 bang a few quid to the JP. 34 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,533 Most of them are bent. 35 00:01:35,633 --> 00:01:38,067 I am a JP. 36 00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:40,233 I was only joking. 37 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,033 And I sincerely hope you were. 38 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:43,767 I'll see you two tomorrow. 39 00:01:43,867 --> 00:01:45,500 Well, don't be too hard on anyone. 40 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,833 Will you? 41 00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:49,900 Remember, a person is innocent until he's proved guilty. 42 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,967 Yes, well I have often thought that should 43 00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:53,233 be the other way around. 44 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:54,533 You should know best. 45 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,000 Lord, I'd hate to come up before her. 46 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:00,267 Me neither. 47 00:02:00,367 --> 00:02:02,100 With people like her on the bench, no wonder 48 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,733 they demolished the death sentence. 49 00:02:15,933 --> 00:02:18,900 Case number one has been put back until after lunch. 50 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,000 OK, very well. 51 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,533 Let's get on with it. 52 00:02:22,633 --> 00:02:23,667 Case number two. 53 00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:24,567 Call case number two. 54 00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:44,367 Good heavens. 55 00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:48,967 Ms. Courtney, what are you doing here? 56 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,933 I am the presiding magistrate. 57 00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:52,000 Oh, blimey. 58 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:53,233 We are being in luck. 59 00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:57,500 We are bound to be getting off scotty free. 60 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:58,700 Quiet in court. 61 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,567 I take it you know these people, Ms. Courtney? 62 00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:01,833 I most certainly do. 63 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:04,000 Are you sure you won't be prejudiced in their favor? 64 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,567 If I am prejudiced, it certainly 65 00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:08,033 won't be in their favor. 66 00:03:08,133 --> 00:03:09,633 Inspector isn't it a little unusual 67 00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:12,100 for the police to bring so many defendants before the bench 68 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,333 at one time? 69 00:03:13,433 --> 00:03:16,300 The dock seams to be a little overloaded. 70 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,633 The case is rather unusual Madam. 71 00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:21,467 The accused, though acting individually, 72 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:26,667 did in fact commit the offenses collectively. 73 00:03:26,767 --> 00:03:28,067 I see. 74 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,700 What are the charges? 75 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,767 Ms. Tsung Su Li and Mr. Tado Nagazumi incited a riot. 76 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:34,867 I demand Diplomatic immunity! 77 00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:35,767 Silence! 78 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,333 Carry on. 79 00:03:37,433 --> 00:03:39,033 Mr. Giovanni Cappello and Miss Danielle 80 00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:42,367 Favre disturbing the peace. 81 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:46,500 Mr. Ranjit Sing and Mrs. Djambi Larandraf causing an affray. 82 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,233 Please, I'm not understanding what he's meaning. 83 00:03:49,333 --> 00:03:52,033 And I'm not be understand also Mr. G. 84 00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:54,033 But he's reading out the charges. 85 00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:58,500 You mean we're having to pay for being here? 86 00:03:58,600 --> 00:03:59,633 More than likely. 87 00:03:59,733 --> 00:04:01,367 Will you please be quite! 88 00:04:01,467 --> 00:04:02,400 Sorry! 89 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,900 Mr. Ali Nadeem and Ms. Anna Schmidt, 90 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,333 causing a public nuisance. 91 00:04:07,433 --> 00:04:10,900 Mr. Juan Cervantes and Mr. Maximilian Papandrios, 92 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,767 assaulting a police officer. 93 00:04:12,867 --> 00:04:14,400 He assault us first. 94 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,367 Si, he hit my fist with his jaw. 95 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,000 Another remark like that I shall hold you in contempt. 96 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,133 Por favor? 97 00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,533 Speak when you are spoken to, Juan. 98 00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,600 Sorry, wrong number. 99 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:30,667 Carry on with the charges. 100 00:04:30,767 --> 00:04:31,800 That's all. 101 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,400 Well what about Mr. Brown? 102 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,000 Oh, I'm not charged with anything. 103 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,267 What are you doing in the dock? 104 00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,233 I've come here to speak on their behalf. 105 00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:40,567 He's our mouthpiece. 106 00:04:40,667 --> 00:04:41,900 Sure! 107 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,000 He's going to spring us. 108 00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:47,333 You see, Ms. Courtney-- 109 00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:48,633 Stop! 110 00:04:48,733 --> 00:04:50,767 You must come down onto the floor of the court 111 00:04:50,867 --> 00:04:53,500 if you wish to address the bench. 112 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:54,467 Oh, right. 113 00:04:58,833 --> 00:04:59,800 You see Ms. Courtney-- 114 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:00,967 Stop! 115 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,267 I am not Ms. Courtney. 116 00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:05,267 Funny, she looked like Ms. Courtney. 117 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,933 You will kindle address me as your honor. 118 00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:12,133 Sorry, Ms. Courtney-- your honor. 119 00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:13,833 But there are mitigating circumstances, 120 00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:14,967 and I'm sure that when you've heard 121 00:05:15,067 --> 00:05:16,733 what these students have to say you 122 00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:18,267 will decide to act leniently. 123 00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:21,567 I will see about that after we have heard the explanation. 124 00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:22,867 Yes. 125 00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:25,133 Well it all happened last Friday evening after class. 126 00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:27,633 As part of their homework, I decided to give the students 127 00:05:27,733 --> 00:05:29,633 various tasks to perform. 128 00:05:29,733 --> 00:05:31,833 Things to do, places to visit. 129 00:05:31,933 --> 00:05:33,133 Su Li and Tado, would you tell the court 130 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,967 what happened in your case? 131 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:36,067 Take the stand please. 132 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,833 Take the book in your right hand and read what's on the card. 133 00:05:44,933 --> 00:05:46,533 Yes, sir. 134 00:05:46,633 --> 00:05:50,967 I swear by Almighty God that the evidence I shall give 135 00:05:51,067 --> 00:05:53,167 shall be the truth, the whole truth, 136 00:05:53,267 --> 00:05:55,333 and nothing but the truth. 137 00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:56,800 Take the book in your right hand-- 138 00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,300 No! 139 00:05:58,400 --> 00:05:59,800 Are you saying that you are not going to tell the truth? 140 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:02,800 The Republic of China not believe in Christian religion. 141 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:03,967 What do you believe in? 142 00:06:04,067 --> 00:06:05,200 Chairman Mao. 143 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:07,567 Very well, do you swear by Chairman Mao 144 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,533 that the evidence you give shall be the truth, the whole truth 145 00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:11,467 and nothing but the truth? 146 00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:13,233 In Democratic Republic of China 147 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:14,567 there is no room for lies. 148 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:18,133 Truth is absolute, so say Chairman Mao. 149 00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:21,467 I think we can accept that as an affirmation. 150 00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:22,833 Proceed. 151 00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:24,767 Task Mr. Brown allocate to Tado 152 00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:26,733 and me is visit Speakers Corner in Hyde 153 00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:28,500 Park to observe 154 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,167 I say to you again ladies and gentlemen. 155 00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:34,033 Do not be deceived by assurance of a so-called change 156 00:06:34,133 --> 00:06:35,567 of attitude in China. 157 00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:38,400 They are still governed by dictators! 158 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,300 The people are still oppressed. 159 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,867 Rubbish! 160 00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:45,100 It is not rubbish! 161 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:49,267 China is still an aggressive nation. 162 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,067 It is Western Imperialists who are aggressors. 163 00:06:51,167 --> 00:06:53,567 China is still a free democracy. 164 00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:55,467 Now who's talking rubbish? 165 00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:56,867 You are! 166 00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:58,933 If you don't like it over here go back to where you came from. 167 00:06:59,033 --> 00:07:01,233 Don't speak like that to my friend! 168 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:04,000 You are ignorant capitalist lacky, you are! 169 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,200 Now calm down! 170 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,600 If you wasn't a lady, I'd thump you! 171 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,500 I have news for you. 172 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,633 I am no lady. 173 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,067 You see it was political act of self-defense. 174 00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,833 Not our fault. 175 00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:30,567 You may stand down. 176 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,033 Who's next? 177 00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:36,167 Mr. Giovanni Capello and Ms. Favre. 178 00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:37,300 Take the book in your right hand, 179 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,033 and read what's on the card. 180 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,567 Not likely. 181 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:44,467 I not to swear on a Protestant bible. 182 00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:45,833 We are Catholics! 183 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,167 I swear by the pope. 184 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,533 Give him a Catholic Bible. 185 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:53,467 Hockey cockey. 186 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:57,700 I promise I'm going to tell all of the truth. 187 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,767 Me too. 188 00:07:59,867 --> 00:08:02,833 Carry on. 189 00:08:02,933 --> 00:08:06,533 Your honor, it's like this-- 190 00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:10,800 Mr. Brown ask us to visit television studios to see how 191 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,400 television programs are made. 192 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:19,967 Aye! 193 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,100 Yes? 194 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,233 Where do you think you're going? 195 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,967 We're going to have a look around. 196 00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:26,033 You're not allowed in here without a pass. 197 00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:28,733 But I'm sure you can look the other way. 198 00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:30,933 Rules are made to be broken, no? 199 00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:32,533 Not by me, no. 200 00:08:32,633 --> 00:08:33,767 But it's for homework! 201 00:08:33,867 --> 00:08:34,667 Sorry. 202 00:08:43,733 --> 00:08:44,767 Hey! 203 00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:46,233 What's that down there? 204 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,167 Where? 205 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,000 Hey! 206 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,533 What do we do now? 207 00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:56,767 We have the look around. 208 00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:57,767 Don't worry. 209 00:08:57,867 --> 00:08:58,800 Nobody is going to find us here. 210 00:08:59,967 --> 00:09:00,800 Santa Maria! 211 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:06,800 Quick! 212 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:07,767 In here. 213 00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:15,633 Good afternoon and welcome to another edition 214 00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:17,033 of World of Sport. 215 00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:18,533 This afternoon in our search for sporting action. 216 00:09:18,633 --> 00:09:20,967 Excuse me. 217 00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:21,900 But which way do we go? 218 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:22,800 Do you mind? 219 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,233 I'm on air. 220 00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:28,133 Hey, I've seen you someplace before. 221 00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:31,033 You don't awful look like that David Dickey. 222 00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:35,567 That's right. 223 00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:38,400 Look, I am Dickey Davis and I'm trying to do a program. 224 00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,733 I'm very sorry about that, but when the program is live, 225 00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:42,633 anything can happen. As I was saying-- 226 00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:43,733 Here, David. 227 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,067 Can I have your autograph please? 228 00:09:53,367 --> 00:09:54,567 Thank you very much. 229 00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:56,167 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome. 230 00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:58,300 My first guess tonight has been across the Atlantic 231 00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,767 especially to be with us. 232 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,367 I think perhaps it's best-- 233 00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:06,667 Hey, I know you. 234 00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,600 It's Michael Parkington. 235 00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:09,567 No, it's not. 236 00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:10,700 It's Iman Andrews. 237 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:11,800 Oh, sorry. 238 00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:14,800 Oh, my god! 239 00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,967 Its Mr. Brown's fault! 240 00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:44,367 Not mine! 241 00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:47,400 Your honor, I rest my bag. 242 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,333 No. 243 00:10:48,433 --> 00:10:49,267 No. 244 00:10:49,367 --> 00:10:51,467 No, Giovanni, you rest your case. 245 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,633 OK, cocky. I rest my bag and my case! 246 00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:58,233 Silence! 247 00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,567 And there's far too much levity in this courtroom. 248 00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:03,267 We will now take a short break, and when we come back 249 00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:05,267 I shall hope for a little more respect. 250 00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:07,300 Otherwise, the court will be clear! 251 00:11:17,033 --> 00:11:18,600 Can we have the next defendants, please. 252 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,300 Mr. Sing and Mrs. Ranja. 253 00:11:23,067 --> 00:11:24,500 What do you swear on? 254 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,933 I never swear! 255 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,433 It's against my religion. 256 00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,800 He is be mean swear on holy book. 257 00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:32,067 1,000 apologies. 258 00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:34,000 I'm swearing by the. 259 00:11:44,933 --> 00:11:47,600 No, I am be sweared by Almighty God. 260 00:11:53,733 --> 00:11:57,633 I am be sweared to tell the absolute truth and nothing 261 00:11:57,733 --> 00:12:00,700 but the absolute truth. 262 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,067 Carry on. 263 00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:05,700 Master G is ask us for our homework to be 264 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,933 take boat on river Thames. 265 00:12:08,033 --> 00:12:10,667 And we comply. 266 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:15,167 When the weather is fine and you know 267 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:20,167 it's a sign for messing around on the river. 268 00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:24,300 If you take my advice, there's nothing so nice-- 269 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:25,933 Why, now, it's very simple. 270 00:12:26,033 --> 00:12:29,200 It's forward to go forward, and backwards to go backwards. 271 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,133 What 272 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:31,100 About if you want to go sideways. 273 00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,700 I think I'll be sea sick. 274 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,200 You really want to ride this boat? 275 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,333 Most definitely. 276 00:12:38,433 --> 00:12:39,367 All right. 277 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,100 Switch on. 278 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,467 I'll cast off. 279 00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:44,800 Don't put it in gear until I tell you to. 280 00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:52,333 Wee! 281 00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:53,267 Oh! 282 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,700 Please be getting out of the way! 283 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,567 --so I'll leave you right now. 284 00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:38,533 of messing around on the river. 285 00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:40,233 It's a wonder the boat didn't sink. 286 00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,500 It did. 287 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,500 Stand down. 288 00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:48,567 Oh-- 289 00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:58,967 Who's next? 290 00:13:59,067 --> 00:14:00,533 Mr. up. 291 00:14:08,033 --> 00:14:09,567 Take the book in your right hand and read 292 00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:10,500 what's on the card. 293 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,567 Por favor. 294 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:13,933 tell the truth. 295 00:14:14,033 --> 00:14:16,233 Si, si,si. 296 00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:17,367 I tell you what happened. 297 00:14:17,467 --> 00:14:18,767 No, no. I tell. 298 00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:21,400 No, no, no, no, no. I speak good, better English. 299 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:25,767 No, I speak better English than you speak better English. 300 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,433 Tell the court what happened, Mr. Cervantes. 301 00:14:33,533 --> 00:14:34,433 Si, senora. 302 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:42,800 Mr. Brown, he tell us to go and see the works watch. 303 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:43,733 Wax work. 304 00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:45,533 Shh! 305 00:14:45,633 --> 00:14:47,367 She say I tell. 306 00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,533 Not you. 307 00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:51,100 OK. 308 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,767 So we go to Madame Tussauds. 309 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,300 Hey, I tell you to. 310 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,467 You take the photo of me with the British Royal Family. 311 00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:08,567 OK, which way we go? 312 00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:11,000 We ask. 313 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:14,633 Where we find. 314 00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:16,900 We want the queen. 315 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,033 Hey, what's the matter? 316 00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:19,167 You deaf? 317 00:15:22,533 --> 00:15:24,200 He's a wax man. 318 00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:29,833 Looks like a real man. 319 00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:31,633 Hey, look. Here's another. 320 00:15:31,733 --> 00:15:35,467 He don't look very nice. 321 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:36,967 He looks like a dummy. 322 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:40,633 How they get. 323 00:15:43,167 --> 00:15:45,767 He's a speaking dummy. 324 00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:48,600 Can I help you gentleman? 325 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,800 Yeah, you're a real man. 326 00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,100 Yes, including the mustache. 327 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,800 And we are looking for the royal family. 328 00:15:55,900 --> 00:16:00,367 I'm going to have the picture taken with the queen. 329 00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:01,767 Arm-in-arm. 330 00:16:01,867 --> 00:16:05,933 Members of the public are not allowed to touch the exhibits. 331 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,000 It's all right. 332 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,600 We no tell nobody. 333 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:09,900 Thank you very much. 334 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,600 Unfortunately, you are too late. 335 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,400 We are about to close. 336 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,500 You will find the exit that way. 337 00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:27,133 We better go. 338 00:16:27,233 --> 00:16:31,467 No, I want the picture with the queen and Prince Philip. 339 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,033 We go that way. 340 00:16:36,833 --> 00:16:39,000 Ah, there they are. 341 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:39,900 I go front. 342 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,100 You take picture. 343 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,167 OK, but be quick. 344 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,100 Watch the bird. 345 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:48,767 I'll just check in here. 346 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:15,800 Come on you two. 347 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,000 That's all. 348 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,433 That's quite enough. 349 00:17:37,533 --> 00:17:38,867 You may stand down. 350 00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:40,567 Mr. Nadeem and Ms. Schmidt. 351 00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:47,267 I swear by Almighty God that the evidence I shall give 352 00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,867 shall be the truth, the whole truth, 353 00:17:48,967 --> 00:17:51,200 and nothing but the truth. 354 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,567 And what about you? 355 00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:55,000 Oh, blimey. 356 00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,167 I'm also swearing but by the holy Koran. 357 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:06,933 Oh Yes. 358 00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:09,100 Proceed, please. 359 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,867 Jolly good. 360 00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:12,867 Teacher is tolding us to be visiting-- 361 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,600 I am not tolding you anything, Ali. 362 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:16,867 Oh, yes, please. 363 00:18:16,967 --> 00:18:19,267 I was being there when you were tolding us. 364 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,400 There's no such word as tolding. 365 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:22,433 Teacher is right. 366 00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:23,167 Thank you, Anna. 367 00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:26,100 Mr. Brown telled us. 368 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:31,433 The past participle of the verb to tell, is told! 369 00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:34,800 Mr. Brown, may I remind you that you 370 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,733 are not here to teach English. 371 00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:38,867 Yes, Ms. Courtney. 372 00:18:38,967 --> 00:18:40,933 Sorry, your honor. 373 00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:42,867 Carry on, Mr. Nadeem. 374 00:18:42,967 --> 00:18:44,100 Jolly good. 375 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,133 Mr. Brown told us to be visiting the zoo. 376 00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:48,233 We saw all the animals, and on the way out, 377 00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:50,900 Ali decided he wanted to ride on the elephant. 378 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:53,600 See the Elephant with a long trunk swinging. 379 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,700 The great big ears and the long trunk swinging. 380 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,767 Sniffing up the peanuts and a long trunk swinging. 381 00:18:57,867 --> 00:18:59,067 You can stay all day. 382 00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:01,633 We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo-- 383 00:19:01,733 --> 00:19:03,100 Excuse me, please. 384 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,567 We are wanting to have a ride on elephant. 385 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:06,900 Hot cheese. 386 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,767 Would you like a turkey dog? 387 00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:12,167 What? 388 00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:14,567 You were saying your cheese is hard so I'm offering 389 00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,500 you my dog. 390 00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:19,333 Why don't we start again. 391 00:19:19,433 --> 00:19:21,167 We would like to ride on the elephant. 392 00:19:21,267 --> 00:19:22,300 Well, you can't. 393 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,600 Why not? 394 00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:25,733 You are not allowed on the elephant without a keeper. 395 00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:29,733 We are wanting to be riding on elephant not the keeper. 396 00:19:29,833 --> 00:19:31,333 back. 397 00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:32,433 I've no idea. 398 00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,933 You go for keeper? 399 00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:36,967 No, I go for pint. 400 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,167 You can come to, to too, we're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo. 401 00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:40,933 Hello! Hello! 402 00:19:41,033 --> 00:19:41,933 Hello! 403 00:19:42,033 --> 00:19:43,633 Oh, it is an Indian elephant. 404 00:19:43,733 --> 00:19:44,967 How do you know that? 405 00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:47,533 It has bigger head and longer nose. 406 00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:48,267 Oh, blimey! 407 00:19:48,367 --> 00:19:50,700 It is pinching my hot dog! 408 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:52,667 Hey, 409 00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:54,367 What are you doing? 410 00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,000 We are going to be riding on elephant. 411 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:58,800 - No, we wait for keeper. - Don't worry. 412 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,200 I know everything about elephant. 413 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,500 Please be getting up. 414 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,433 It may be dangerous! 415 00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:03,533 Oh, no. 416 00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:05,667 Indian elephants are most peaceful people. 417 00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,667 We are only going to be sitting. 418 00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,767 Climb, please. 419 00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:10,700 Come, Ali. 420 00:20:14,733 --> 00:20:17,267 We're way high! - Oh, yes. 421 00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:21,333 When I was being a little boy in Delhi I used to ride a little. 422 00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:22,267 Oh, yeah? 423 00:20:22,367 --> 00:20:23,467 Oh, yes. 424 00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:26,433 To be going on left side, you're pulling left ear. 425 00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:27,367 Yeah. 426 00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:29,300 If you're going on the rightwards, 427 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,633 you're pulling right here, and to be stopping you're 428 00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:34,767 pulling both ears. 429 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,067 What about starting? 430 00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:38,367 To be starting you bang on head. 431 00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:42,767 Speak, Ali. 432 00:20:53,433 --> 00:20:54,333 Help! 433 00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:11,067 What happened to elephant? 434 00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,300 It went for a bath in the lake. 435 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,100 Unfortunately we're still sitting on it. 436 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,400 You may stand down. 437 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,833 Mr. Brown, have you anything to say before I give judgment? 438 00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:25,267 Yes, Ms. Courtney-- yes, your honor. 439 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:28,300 I beg the court to show clemency in this case. 440 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:32,100 These poor, unfortunate people are guests in our country. 441 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,033 They have journeyed from their native lands 442 00:21:34,133 --> 00:21:36,667 to our shores to learn our mother tongue? 443 00:21:36,767 --> 00:21:37,933 Why? 444 00:21:38,033 --> 00:21:39,367 Because they admire our English way of life 445 00:21:39,467 --> 00:21:41,367 with its long tradition of hospitality, 446 00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:44,600 free speech, justice, and above all fair play. 447 00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,000 They have committed no offense in their eyes. 448 00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:48,500 They were merely carrying out their duties 449 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,167 as they saw them, but only have to look at them to see 450 00:21:51,267 --> 00:21:52,633 that they are not criminals. 451 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,833 I'm sure the court will find them innocent. 452 00:21:57,933 --> 00:22:00,067 If anyone is guilty it is I. 453 00:22:04,733 --> 00:22:06,300 Thank you, Petrocelli. 454 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,867 Having regard to your impassioned plea for mercy. 455 00:22:13,967 --> 00:22:16,433 The court tends to agree with your remarks. 456 00:22:16,533 --> 00:22:20,033 The accused are more misguided than mischievous. 457 00:22:20,133 --> 00:22:23,333 Therefore the court finds the defendants not guilty. 458 00:22:25,733 --> 00:22:29,067 However, the court agrees with Mr. Brown, 459 00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:31,333 that if anyone is guilty he is. 460 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,700 To have sent out these poor, unfortunate 461 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,033 students on such foolhardy errands 462 00:22:36,133 --> 00:22:38,000 is highly irresponsible. 463 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:41,567 Need it a pity that the court cannot punish you, 464 00:22:41,667 --> 00:22:43,500 but be warned Mr. Brown. 465 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,200 If you ever come before this bench 466 00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:49,700 again, for whatever reason you will be severely dealt with. 467 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:50,600 The court will adjourn. 468 00:23:00,367 --> 00:23:03,367 Hey, professor you want to go for a drink? 469 00:23:03,467 --> 00:23:04,733 Oh, no thanks. 470 00:23:04,833 --> 00:23:05,733 I'm driving. 471 00:23:15,933 --> 00:23:16,767 Is this your car, sir? 472 00:23:16,867 --> 00:23:18,433 Yes. 473 00:23:18,533 --> 00:23:21,400 Having trouble with your memory are you, sir? 474 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:22,433 Pardon? 475 00:23:22,533 --> 00:23:24,800 Your road tax disk has run out, sir. 476 00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:26,467 Oh, well I'm sure I've applied for it. 477 00:23:26,567 --> 00:23:28,767 What's going on, Constable Jones? 478 00:23:28,867 --> 00:23:29,767 Another tax dodger madam. 479 00:23:32,467 --> 00:23:34,367 Well, while you're at it, Constable, why don't you 480 00:23:34,467 --> 00:23:36,933 check his lights and his tires. 481 00:23:37,033 --> 00:23:39,567 And how about his insurance? 482 00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:41,800 I shall be seeing him again tomorrow.